Choosing Success

This page has some valuable tips and resources you can use to choose success. Yes, Success is a choice! Ever wonder why you keep setting New Years Resolutions or trying to change and "nothing seems to work"? Check out the article below. It will give you some valuable insights into this issue. You may also want to explore some of the other success products listed here.

This article will help you choose success when it comes to setting and achieving goals and objectives. A good time to do this is at the beginning of the year, many people do that and call them New Years Resolutions.

New Years Eve Resolutions. But New Years style resolutions don't work because they are too vague, overwhelming, and are often made merely because it is the thing to do on New Years. Because they are vague, it is hard for us to know what to do to achieve them or to tell if we have achieved them. Also, often we don't do enough soul searching and make a real commitment to achieving these resolutions.

Although New Years resolutions don't usually work, that doesn't mean that goal and objective settings is worthless. On the contrary, setting goals and objectives is crucial to success. After all, if we don't know where we want to go, we are not likely to get there.

Goals and Objectives. It helps to differentiate between goals and objectives. A goal, as I define it here, is a global statement of intent that is difficult to measure. An objective is a precise statement of an desired outcome that is clearly measurable. With that in mind which of these is a goal? Which is an objective?

1. To move into a nice house in the Bay Area.

2. Rent and live in a 2 bedroom house in Rockridge by June 15, 2008.

-------------- (Pick one, then check anser below) ---------------------

Answer. The first choice is clearly a goal; the second, an objective. The choice that clearly defines renting and living in a specific area (Rockridge) by a certain date is an objective. The other choice is a good goal, but not an objective.

Starts with a Goal. When you first start working on goals and objectives, it is probably best to start with a goal because it is gives us an overall sense of where we want to goal and it is often not possible to formulate a clear objective from the onset of the process. When creating a goal it is helpful to ask yourself questions like:

Will achieving this goal be the best for my...

• Spirtual well being?

• Mental well being?

• Physical well-being?

Will others that are important to me support this goal? Do I, myself, (all parts of me) support this goal?

That phrase "all parts of me" probably deserves some explanation. Although it is beyond the scope of this article to go into detail. For details you may want to read my book Choosing Success or see some of the other books referenced at the top of the page, like Born to Win (written by my co-author Dorothy Jongeward.)Choosing Success is out of print, but plenty of used copies are available.)

Ego States. Here's a brief explanation of this idea: many psychologists declare that we all have multiple parts of our personality and that this is normal. These parts are sometimes called "ego states." Names for our different ego states that you may heard are:

• Inner Child
• Inner Adult and

• Inner Parent.

Inner Child. Your Inner child wants to feel good, have pleasure and to enjoy itself. So your Inner Child will support you goal if it brings happiness, pleasure, excitement and fun.

Inner Adult. On the other hand, your Inner Adult wants your goal to be logical, to make sense and to be realistic and possible -- to fit the facts.

Inner Parent. Another part of you, your Inner Parent wants your goal to be something that you "should have" that you "should want" -- something that would likely would satisfy your real parents or parental figures.

Checking inner agreement. So you might ask yourself: Does my Inner Child support this goal? What about the work it will take to achieve it? Is my Inner Child afraid of this goal? Does my Inner Adult support the goal? Is the goal realistic from a logical point of view? How about my Inner Parent? Is this a goal I "should" achieve? What would my Mother (or Mother Figure) say? Your Father (or Father Figure?) Often all parts of you will not be in total agreement. But the more inner agreement you can muster, the more power and energy you can put into your efforts at goal achievement. If your Adult wants a goal but your Child doesn't, your Child could sabbotage everything and this may be outside your awareness. This could be why no matter how hard you try things just don't seem to work out. If your "Inner Team" doesn't work together, your changes for success will be dimished.

Soul searching. To achieve a great inner agreement it helps to find quiet time, meditate and do some real "soul searching." Suppose you have a goal getting your taxes done on time. Your Inner Child might not support that goal because it is afraid of dealing with the complexity of the job or afraid of feeling "stupid." Or maybe your Inner Child just wants to play and doesn't want to put in the necessary hard work.

In this is the case, you might carry on an Inner dialog with your Inner Child and say things like:

"I know you are afraid of working on your taxes.But try to imagine how you will feel when it is all taken care of. And remember, you don't have to do it all yourself. We can get some help from a tax professional."

Counseling from a therapist who understands multiple ego states can help you in the matter of find inner agreement on goal setting. One good place to find such a counselor or therapist is the ITAA, or International Transaction Analysis Association. To learn more about ITAA, you may want to visit: http://www.itaa-net.org/ Goals are fine when we first starting out, but it is important to refine a goal into an objective and then into a series of enabling objectives.

Music and Meditation. Meditation and listening to music while pondering a goal can help you unify your Inner Team. To explore this idea more, you may want to check out this Success Music website.

Enabling Objectives. An enabling objective is a clearly defined outcome that when achieved helps you to gain a higher level objective. Suppose your goal is to find a dance partner. You might refine that by writing an objective that says that by June 15th you want to enjoy dancing once a week with a regular partner. (It addition, you may want to refine what you mean by "partner" -- what desirable qualities does he or she have?)

Sample Enabling Objectives. Some enabling objectives for the dance partner goal might be:

• Be able to dance "basic" salsa.
• Enroll in a salsa dance class.
• Practice along with a "salsa workout" video 3 times a week.
• Attend a singles party where a salsa lesson is taught.
• Complete a series of private salsa dance lessons.
• Join the Bay Area Singles Meetup group

Using Software. There are many software tools available that can help you achieve your goals and objectives. I'll have more to say on this later, for now let me tell you just one that I've found extremely helpful.

Once you have an objective defined, figure out a data by which you want to have achieved it. Put that date into an online calendar system that can send reminders. I prefer the Google calendar because it is easy to use and can send me reminders via phone, email, and computer pop-up window.

Also, define several enabling objectives -- objectives that lead up to your "terminal objective" and put each of these milestones into your calendar reminder system.

When the reminders come in you can see whether you are on track or not. If you find you are slipping and not achieving your enabling objectives on time, you can take correction action and step up activity necessary to get back on track.

There are a lot more tips I can give you -- I've learned the hard way. But I'll need to save those tips for a later article.

Get Started Now! Why not get started now. Define a goal -- make it your "Dream Goal." Something you can get excited about. When you do that your Dream will start moving toward you! Next, start taking some small, easy to achieve steps toward your Dream. It may not happen overnight, but Dream will start moving toward you -- with all deliberate speed!

Warmest regards,

Phil Seyer

Phil Seyer is the Author of Choosing Success (with Dorothy Jongeward) he is and the event organizer for Professionals Guild, a social organization dedicated to single professionals in San Francisco, the East Bay, as well as other parts of the Bay Area and Sacramento, California. Professionals Guild host monthly singles parties in the Bay Area and in Sacramento, and huge New Years eve parties with more than 2,000 attending.